i wish my penis had a tongue
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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