I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
