If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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