Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize