she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
