I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
