someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
