Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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