thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
