This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
