32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
