Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
