he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
