yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
