If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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