you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
