I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
