R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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