I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
