I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
ttyl tear gas
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
