Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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