Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
