ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
