i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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