Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
