Fuck appropriateness.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize