we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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