I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
