I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm too high and old for this...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
