He is an equal opportunity slut.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
