I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
