Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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