I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
