my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize