So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
