We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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