I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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