i jhust puked up my retainher.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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