What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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