Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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