Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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