I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
