I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
