party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
