Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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