In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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