Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
