can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
