she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He better not be in your backpack
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
