I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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