Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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