Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize