i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
