Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
