Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
