don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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