you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
