dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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