I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
