Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can you repeat that, but with context?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
