I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
