That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
