i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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