This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i think im in europe. pls send help
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
