i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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