are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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