sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
